Post 1

She leaned back against the grass. She could feel the cold wet morning due soaking her clothes. Mom will be mad.. she thought to herself. She spread her legs out and felt the cold water soaking into her clothes. She leaned back, hearing the grass crush under her head, the cold wisps of green scratching her face. She lay there a long time in the cold, hoping that something exciting would happen. She wondering if a snake would scurry over her, a muskrat scratch her, or oven a car pass by her, but nothing. The cold crept over her skin; this is feeling she thought to herself, this is touch. She looked up at the tree, it was the only for miles on this path to no where. She lost herself in the movements of the branches. She thought of have heathens worshiped the earth and nature. Her head buried in the dirt and in the clouds at the same moment, pulling her feet of her damp shoes, and shoving her toes in the earth. She tried to commune with the earth. She felt nothing, even the cold seemed to disappear. Her and her friends nicknamed this spot Abree, after the French word Abre, for tree. They thought themselves geniuses, chic or perhaps just witty. She thought it was stupid but why would it matter, they weren’t really her friends anyway.She sat up and watched the water, the pieces of grass poking out of her hair . Life is confusing. Life sucks.
A truck drove by, slowed down and reversed. Losers she thought. A guy leaned out the window and asked how much for a blow job, she gave him the finger half heartedly as he drove off. He looked familiar she thought, maybe he's in her English class. She wondered how much a blow job went for these days. At least technically something happened today.
Jamie stood up and shook the grass off her wet clothes. Her clothes clung to her, the cold was intolerable as the wind blew. Mud was smeared over her hair, her toes caked in a combination of dirt, grass and pebbles. The stones poked her into her as she walked. She stomped her feet into ground. She wondered what torture was like. The truck was comming by again, she wondered if she ask them how much they would pay, it wasn't that she needed the money, she was just curious. They didn't stop though, they just screamed and one hanging half out the window stuck his tongue out at her.
She walked for half an hour or so, past farms, abandoned farms, beautiful farms, corn farms, wheat farms, soybean farms, you know.. farms. She feet didn't bleed as much as she tried, every time she tried to stomp her foot harder something inside her would make her stop. She wondered what other things her body wouldn't let her do. She decided to walk by the elementary school , that way she could see the time before coming home. She had told her mother she was sleeping over at friends house, if she came home to early she would be suspicious.
The roads were paved in the center of the town, it was a big deal when it happened, it meant the town was coming into a new era. Whatever era that was, was till decades beyond the rest of the world. She scrapped her dirty feet against the blackness of the pavement, she glanced back and could see her footsteps. She smiled. She had imprinted herself on something, at least temporarily. She could hear the swings as she got closer to the school. She could see a few girls around ten or eleven sitting on them huddled like chubby little pigs around one of the swings. She saw them all of them shove their hands into a Pringles container as she came into view. "Hey" Jamie walked over to them and put her fingers out. "Give me one and I wont tell your parents" One of the girls, the chubbiest one sitting on the swing reluctantly pulled her cigarette out of the can and handed it to Jamie before lighting herself a new one. Jamie sat down no the swing besides the girls and looked up to see it was just past six am.
The little pigs began to squeal again between sucking on their cigarettes. Jamie dragged her toes in the stones as she pushed herself on the swings slightly as she listened to the piglets and smoked.
" So the boy said to the teacher if don't I will cry" and the piglets giggled " and so then the teacher took off her shirt." And the first pig paused, building the anticipation " so boy said take off your bra. The teacher said No! I can't I'll lose my job" The piglets shifted on the ground, getting on their knees, begging for the dirty details. " But the boy said, you better or I'll cry and I'll tell my parents you made me do dirty things. And so the teacher did..." Jamie got up and flung her cigarette. This place has gone to the shits.
She remembered her grandfather once said they use to nickname this place sin city. It was suppose to be sarcastic. Small catholic communities are suppose to be stuck up and proud. Jamie smiled. She seen the girl walking around the gas station. She knew the walk, she knew that she was waiting for truckers passing by to give them some comfort. She wondered about asking how much a blow went for. Maybe later, she was working. Maybe it would offend her and they would fight, that would be exciting. She wondered if she had a switchblade, hookers on the tv always had weapons or drugs.
"Jamie!" She turned to see a young guy running towards her with something in his hands. " I found some new spark plugs! I should be able to get my dirt bike running by noon, wanna come ride with us ?" Jamie shrugged. She new Marc since they first went to elementary school. He knew one thing and one thing only, machines. He was boring as the dirt his family worked. All he could talk about was motors and seeds. She haded when he opened his mouth. She knew she was destined to marry him.
She remembered when they had tried to communicate with his dead grandmother one halloween. The oojy board out on some random plot. That was fun she thought. She remember when he had asked to board if we would get married. That’s when she knew, he was too wholesome, too innocent, too unspectacular for her to find a reasonable reason not to marry. Her mother was always telling her to be reasonable. Marc would allow her to be her at least. At least they knew what each other was getting.
" I'm gona be grounded by then" She paused, she always forgot how short he was, his head barely up to her shoulder. His blonde hair floating in the wind. She wondered what he would look like naked, if he would be good in bed or had ever received comfort from the local whore. " throw rocks or something at my window and I'll sneak out. " He smiled contentedly and ran off. She imagined him sorting our gears and tools for hours on end, drooling at catalogs of parts. He probably didn't even realize she was whore. Most the innocent don't.
She believed in three types of people. The truly ignorant, those who truly only see the good unless the bad smacks them repeatedly on the back of the head. The typicals, the ones who see the hookers on the side of the street and wonder what horrible things have happened to that girl. And the last kind who see that most of us have been hookers at some point or another in our lives.
She didn't know what she was. She often wondered if she was at all. She could scream as loud as she wanted, run as far as she could, jump as high as .. well you get the point and nothing ever changed, the world was static around her. Maybe she was the only one who knew she existed. She wondered if she could sneak into her house without her mother knowing, she knew from experience that wasn't likely or worth the risk.
She walked behind the church to Smokeys' house. Jennifer was there , walking her dog across the street watching Smokey. Smokey was the sexiest guy any of them had ever seen. All he did was sit out on his porch and smoke, cigarette after cigarette listening to the radio on his car in his driveway. Jennifer and her and been building up courage for the last week to talk to him, however they knew it would be a disappointment.
" Maybe his power is turned off" Jen said, watching him watch us. " So the hot guy is poor? awesome" I smiled, I loved our games of trying to figure out the behaviors of our odd neighbors. “Then where does he get all the smokes from?” She shrugged.
"Maybe I should ask him for a smoke, or what the song on the radio is" Jen looked at me and batted her eyes.
"Let him make the move" I looked over at him, suddenly aware I was covered in mud, stones , grass and that I wasn't wearing shoes. "lets be the prey"
Jen shrugged. We both knew he would never make the move, and we both knew we enjoyed the game too much to risk talking to him.
"wanna get wasted tonight?" "I'm going out with Marc, ""Oh well, if you change your mind I'll be at the swings. I'll be the one with a few cases of beer " She laughed too hard, and flung her hair back at Smokey. He half heartedly waved at us, we waved back. The waving has been going on for about a week. By next week he will be yelling good morning at us from his driveway, two weeks from now he'll be shagging one of us his truck. I love the word shagging thought Jamie.
"Those little kids are raunchy" Although she wasn't surprised, it was an appropriate comment about the inappropriateness she approved of.
Jen smiled at Smokey. He watched Jamie.
Jamie walked away as she realized it was almost church time and the reasonable people would be upset to see such a disgrace walking the street.
She came to her house. Stepped onto the porch, onto the flower beds, and with the expertise of a thief she side stepped to the window ledge about eight feet off the ground. She waved at Marc who was walking by. It was a good idea to be polite to him she thought to herself. The bricks seemed to crumble as her weight shifted. She was standing on about a three inch ledge of her mother’s window. She side stepped again onto her window ledge. She had purposely left a small gap in her window. This is why you always lock your windows she thought. She wiggled her fingers into the gap and pushed up the window, and climbed in silently. I could always get a part time job being a criminal.
She climbed into her bed and put her shoes on top of her tv. At 8 am she was nicely tucked into bed, next time she will ask for 30 dollars, she could bring Jen out on a date with that much.

Note.

NOTE : I need a spot to write where I can access it from my school , job, and various places, this is just my spot to work in my writing.. *shrugs* xoxoxo